LET’S FEAR ALLAH AND AVOID FORNICATION OF ALL TYPE. BismilLah.

ALLAH tells us that HE is aware of what people do and that nothing is hidden from HIM. As ALLAH says
“HE knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the breasts conceal” Ghaafir 40:19].

We must fear our Lord in secret and in public, and keep away from that which ALLAH has forbidden of being alone with a member of the opposite sex, looking, kissing and other haraam actions which lead to the immoral action of zina. let’s avoid using the excuse of marrying the person to start abusing ourselves. Sheitan is clever in that.

The person who has committed any of these actions has to repent to ALLAH, for whoever repents ALLAH will accept his repentance, and the one who repents is like one who did not sin at all. Alhamdulillah. 

One of the greatest means of expiation for such sins is offering the five daily prayers regularly and on time. The Prophet (peace and blessings of ALLAH be upon him) said: “The five daily prayers, and from one Jumu’ah to the next, and from one Ramadaan to the next, expiates for the sins that come in between, so long as you avoid major sins.” Narrated by Muslim, 1/209. Also, avoid zina of eyes, legs, hands, mouth etc they are all traps of sheitan to disobey ALLAH.

We ask ALLAH to forgive our past sins and protect us from committing such evil sins again. Aameen.

❤‍🔥 DEBUNKING MYTHS ABOUT SEX ❤‍🔥

💘1. WHEN THE MAN STRUGGLES TO ERECT, HE IS CHEATING
Sometimes a man will struggle to erect or sustain an erection because he is stressed, tired, overthinking or he feels you disrespect him as his wife. Don’t be so quick to accuse him of cheating

💓2. ONCE A CHEAT, ALWAYS A CHEAT
Yes, infidelity hurts; some continue with the lifestyle but others transform to stop and be a better spouse. People can change. Marriages can thrive after infidelity if the two choose to fight for it and heal it.

💞3. IF A WOMAN DOESN’T SQUIRT, SHE IS NOT SEXUALLY SATISFIED
Not every woman will squirt in their lifetime; some even don’t long to squirt because they find it messy. Don’t feel under pressure, intimacy is much deeper, not a chase after squirts.

❣️4. A WOMAN WHO HAS GIVEN BIRTH IS TOO WIDE DOWN THERE
The vagina is very elastic, it can expand and contract. A woman can go back to tightness after giving birth, let us not make motherhood seem like a pleasure killer

💕5. YOUR HUSBAND HATES YOUR STRETCHMARKS
Many women feel insecure about their stretchmarks because of their own insecurities or the judgement from other women. Most men don’t even complain about stretchmarks, all they want is some good loving inside the wife. Lady, you are beautiful as you are. Relax

🩵6. SIZE IS EVERYTHING
The size of the manhood is not everything, skill is. Regardless of the God-given size or shape of your manhood; what your wife wants is that you be creative and skillfull with it as you confidently give her that good feeling.

🤎7. EVERY SEXUAL EPISODE A COUPLE HAS MUST BE THE SAME
Last night’s love making might have been so intense, today it might be calm and flat. Not every time it will be similar. Stop trying to recreate a memory, enjoy each episode and make it unique. Don’t panic or think your marriage is under threat when the sex this week doesn’t match last week’s fireworks.

💕8. EVERY PERSON HAS THE SAME SEXUAL SPOTS
Don’t copy paste what you hear about others. Not every woman has sensitive nipples, not every man loves their balls played with. Some ladies find their inner thighs ticklish, some men love their nipples pinched. Find out how your spouse wants it.

🧡9. EVERY WOMAN CLIMAXES JUST ONCE
Some women can only climax once and some can climax over and over. Find out what kind of a woman she is.

❤‍🩹10. THOSE WHO MARRIED AS VIRGINS OR WITH LITTLE SEXUAL EXPERIENCE ARE BORING IN BED
You don’t need training with many people to be great in bed; all you need is to emotionally connect and be willing to learn your spouse and to enjoy and give pleasure and your sex life will be amazing.

💓11. SEX IN AFFAIRS IS SWEETER THAN SEX IN MARRIAGE
Affairs are fun because they are new, passionate, they have a lot of investment in flirting and emotional bonding, and there is a build up of excitement. All those things you can bring into your marriage. You can have a steamy affair with your spouse.

🩷12. A COUPLE THAT HAS HAD AN AVERAGE SEX LIFE CAN NEVER IMPROVE
Any couple that feels their sex life sucks can shake things up and bring fire into their love life. Are you willing to go on an adventure on each other’s body?

💜13. EVERY MAN WAKES UP WITH A HARD ON
Not every man will wake up horny, so don’t think he is not attracted to you just because he doesn’t want some each morning. You can start him up though.

💗14. SPIRITUAL PEOPLE ARE PATHETIC IN BED
You can be spiritual and still be highly sexual. Sex was created by God. In fact, the more you grow as a believer, the more romantic and expressive you should become, understanding the beauty and power of sexual intimacy done.

💖15. IF YOU LIKE MAKING LOVE AT NIGHT, YOUR SPOUSE WILL AUTOMATICALLY WANT THE SAME
Your spouse might enjoy making love a different time than you. Some people are night people, others are morning ones; the goal is to compromise and accommodate each other’s preferences in the marriage to tend to each other’s needs.

💘16. EVERY INFECTION IS BECAUSE OF INFIDELITY
Sometimes your infection as a woman is not brought about by your man giving you an STI, you could be having a UTI, or an infection brought about by your hygiene, toilet use, underwear not properly dried before wearing or internal body fluids. Don’t be so quick to jump into conclusions.

Halal Muslim Couple.

The first family outing after her marriage as second wife, she ensured she got to the car before the first wife and took a seat at the back. The husband who was already seated by the wheel and who had envisaged a brouhaha expressed a silent surprise. On arrival of the first wife, she opened the back door and asked her co-wife to use the front seat.

“Thank you, ma’am. I’m not taught like that. Kindly sit beside your husband,” she said. “Thank you for the honour. I’m also not taught to be unnecessarily domineering. Kindly sit beside your husband,” replied the first wife. None of them used the front seat to and fro the journey.

The next time — after about one or two months — the second wife pretended to assist the first wife with her bag. She hastened to get to the car, put the bag at the front seat, sat behind and locked up the two doors. When the first wife could not open any of the back doors, she smiled and used the front seat where her bag had already been placed. “But why again?” she probed. “It’s a signal that I’m not here to snatch your husband from you. I do as I want with my husband whenever I’m with him. But when we are together, courtesy demands that I accord you your deserved respect. This is because if I were in your shoes, I would not want my predecessor-ship ego watered down by any subsequent wife,” she responded.

On their return from the journey, the first wife had got the car keys from the husband to sit at the back and she got the doors locked up as earlier done the second wife. When it was time to leave and the second wife found her co-wife balanced behind, she laughed, used the front seat and said her a resounding “thank you”.

The funny thing about this story is that the husband told me he had had a serious fight with the first wife as regards who would be at the front whenever they all wanted to go out together. He said the wife refused when he told her it would be on rotation. The discussion, according to him, was deadlocked. “Seeing the matter pan out as it did made me elated beyond bounds,” he confessed.

The man said he gave the second wife kudos for the gesture when he got to her house. And as for the first wife, when they discussed the issue, she said she played along when she saw her co-wife do what she least expected. “You know the sisters of today, they don’t mind getting their predecessors off the way. But honestly, I was impressed by her disposition,” she reacted. “Who front seat epp sef? Na avoidable wàhálà go kill us women for polygyny,” she added.
………………

I hope subsequent wives would take a cue from this story and do away with the rubbish they teach one another in their problem-manufacturing circles. And this is one of the reasons they are hastily divorced by their husbands. Everything in marriage is not about rights. You may have right to something but leave it maturely to get it — or even more — honorably. You get to the house, and you want to grab the wheel from the driver just like that? You dey whine?

One lesson for men here is that whatever issues you may be having with one wife should be concealed from the other wife. Imagine the second wife knowing about the adamance of the first wife to sit at the front! She apparently might have acted otherwise to show her she wasn’t a second citizen. An unbridled man cannot hold polygyny beyond a second. He will practically ruin his marriage by himself.

Sanni Kay Yūsuf

Clear instruction on the example of domestic conflict.

In any relationship, sooner or later disagreements arise: the boss does not pay for overtime work, neighbors listen to music at maximum volume and disturb sleep, a partner ignores his part of household duties. Often the discussion of the problem takes place in heated tones: the participants argue, turn to personalities, accuse each other. It would seem that the best way to preserve the relationship is to avoid conflict situations. However, in this case, the problem will not be solved, and the negative emotions will accumulate like a snowball and may burst out at an inopportune moment.

There is a way to constructively resolve disagreements that Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenney, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler have written about in their book, Difficult Dialogues. The authors offer simple tools that allow you to calmly discuss problems and find solutions that benefit all parties to the conflict.

Let’s use the recommendations from the book on the example of a domestic conflict of the conditional couple – Irina and Oleg.

The essence of the conflict – the uneven distribution of household chores: Irina takes on most of the work, while Oleg grudgingly performs some tasks, but often finds excuses. Irina considers this arrangement unfair: both work, which means that they should do the house together. The girl wants to talk to her husband and redistribute duties equally.

How to behave in a conflict situation

1. Start with yourself.

As honestly and in detail as possible answer the questions.

What do I want as a result of the conflict for myself? For example: I want more time to relax and enjoy my favorite activities, I want a fair distribution of household chores.

What do I want to get as a result of the conflict for my opponent? For example: I want Oleg to have time for rest and favorite activities.

What do I want to achieve for our relationship? For example: I want cleaning not to be a reason to fight anymore, I want to spend more time together.

Questions will help sort out your true motives, and consciously approach the dialogue. I want Oleg to help with cleaning in our example is only a strategy for achieving real goals – equality in everyday life and free time.

2. Watch for signals.

In a conflict, it is important that the parties feel safe. In this case, the participants communicate as equals: calmly, frankly and respectfully. However, conflicts are often accompanied by strong emotions and sometimes it can be difficult to understand from which point the conversation has gone the wrong way.

There are a number of signs that will help you recognize the moment of loss of trust and safety in time.

Physical reactions: clenched fists, shifted eyebrows, tears in the eyes, lump in the throat, voice trembling.

Emotions: fear, resentment, anger, sadness.

Behavior: indifference, getting out of the dialogue, being categorical, labeling, insults, threats.

3. Restore safety.

When you’ve picked up on dangerous signals, it’s time to restore safety.

Apologize if you’ve lost your temper or if you’ve been disrespectful to the person you’re talking to.

If the person you’re talking to misunderstood you, explain what you really mean: I don’t mean to say you’re lazy, I notice and appreciate your help. What I mean is, since we both work, it would be fair to divide household chores equally.

Find a common goal that is in the interests of both parties: Let’s think about how to keep order with a minimum of effort.

4. Control your emotions

When we are overwhelmed by strong feelings, it is difficult to continue the conversation in a constructive way. Sometimes fear, resentment, or anger are so strong that you want to quit the conversation altogether. To avoid falling into the trap of emotion, ask yourself questions that help you look at the situation differently. Let’s look at unproductive behavioral strategies and ways to change them.

Victim – It’s not my fault.

The question to ask yourself is, Am I trying to overlook my role in creating this problem?

Spending my free time cleaning is Irina’s choice. It’s not my fault she doesn’t have enough time to relax.

Am I not trying to overlook my role in creating this problem?

If I had helped Irina, she would have had more time to rest. Right now she simply has no other option-otherwise the house will get messy.

The villain is It’s all your fault.

The question to ask yourself is, Why would a reasonable, decent and rational person do this?

Oleg looks for excuses not to participate in the cleanup because he is lazy.

Why would a reasonable, decent, and rational person do such a thing?

At the beginning of the month, Oleg said that his boss assigned him an important task with a burning deadline. Since then, he hasn’t slept well and stayed late at work. Maybe he’s tired.

Helpless – There’s nothing more I can do in this situation.

The question to ask yourself is, What can I do to move toward achieving what I want?

I can’t change Oleg’s mind; I’ll have to clean up my own mess.

What can I do to move toward achieving what I want?

I’ll create an environment where cleaning is easy and fun. I will shorten my cleaning time with modern technology. I will delegate some of the work to a cleaning service.

5. Speak respectfully.

Share facts, not assessments

Evaluation: You’re lazy. You’re always looking for excuses.

Fact: The last three times you refused to help me clean, so I cleaned alone.

Explain how you see the situation

Be consistent: Before you jump to conclusions, describe the chain of events that led you to those thoughts.

Bad: You don’t appreciate my hard work.

Good: Last Sunday you refused to help me clean, so I cleaned up alone. And when I came back from work on Monday, I found a dirty stove in the kitchen, and on the floor in the bedroom – a stain from spilled tea. It hurt me: I had been tidying up all Sunday, and on Monday the apartment was dirty again. I got the feeling that you do not appreciate my work.

Avoid being categorical

Remember that the person you are talking to is entitled to an opinion different from yours. Make it clear that you respect someone else’s point of view.

Bad: In families where both partners work, household chores should be shared equally. Anyone who thinks otherwise is retrograde and sexist!

Good: I think since we both work, it would be fair to divide household chores equally. How do you feel about that?

6. Listen thoughtfully

Ask for the other person’s opinion.

Maintain a safe atmosphere so he/she can speak freely: do not interrupt, do not get distracted, remain calm and friendly.

Be aware of non-verbal cues

If the interlocutor’s facial expressions or actions contradict what he/she is saying, point out the discrepancy. Probably, the interlocutor is not completely frank, because he no longer feels safe.

– Oleg, how do you feel about devoting time to cleaning every Sunday?

– I don’t care. We’ll do as you say.

– You say you don’t care, but you look unhappy. If you don’t like that option, we can talk about another one.

– You know, it really isn’t the best option. I just didn’t want to argue again.

Help the other person to express his position

If, in a safe atmosphere, the person still isn’t telling you something, make a suggestion about what he’s thinking and feeling. Sometimes all it takes is a little nudge for the person to readily continue.

– Oleg, you probably think that you will have less time for rest and favorite activities?

– You’re right. I’m afraid of drowning in a domestic routine.

Agree out loud.

If the person you’re talking to voices a thought you agree with, say so. In most cases, people continue to argue over minor disagreements, losing sight of the fact that in the main and truly important points they agree with each other.

– Irina, I don’t want to devote a whole weekend to cleaning.

– I agree, on the weekends you want to relax, not clean up. We can give cleaning for 15 minutes on weekdays, and leave the weekend for our favorite things. How about this?

7. Come up with a plan.

It’s not enough to properly negotiate and come to a joint decision. It is necessary to make a plan to implement what has been planned: think about concrete steps, agree on deadlines, distribute responsibility. Otherwise, agreements will remain words, and the conflict will not be resolved.

As a result of the conflict, Oleg and Irina figured out how to cope with cleaning with minimal effort and not lose motivation.

Allocate money from the family budget for household appliances: dishwasher, robot vacuum cleaner, multicooker. Deadline: until the end of the week. Responsible: Oleg.

Delegate cleaning service to clean the hood of grease and dirt. Deadline: until the end of the week. Responsible: Irina.

Cook dinners together for 2-3 days. While cooking, listen to podcasts. Start today.

On weekdays after dinner, it’s time for jet clean. The timer counts down 15 minutes, you have to have time to clean your area. Start Today.

Add game elements to cleaning. Assign points to each household task: throw out the trash – 3, wipe the dust – 5, vacuum – 10, clean the toilet – 15. Score points in a table, and at the end of the month sum up the results. Loser prepares a surprise for the winner: a massage, a cake or a book – any nice little thing. And if the rivals scored the same number of points, you can arrange an entertainment for two. The start of the game is the beginning of the next month.

What to do if the conflict is not resolved

In an ideal world, participants in a conflict respect each other’s needs, control their emotions and find a joint solution to the problem. In reality, there is a chance that the conversation will not work out, the conflict will not be resolved at the first time or at all. Evgeny Ilyin in his book The Psychology of Communication and Interpersonal Relations identifies three unfavorable outcomes of a conflict situation: avoidance of conflict, confrontation and coercion. Below we will consider what can be done in each of them.

When an interlocutor walks away from a conversation

Obviously, you should not start a dialogue if the person is sick, experiencing strong emotions (anger, resentment, sadness), or busy. However, you should keep in mind that the person may use excuses to avoid discussing the problem.

1. be persistent and agree on a specific time frame

– Oleg, I value our relationship very much. It saddens me that lately we often quarrel about cleaning. Can we discuss this problem now?

– I’m watching soccer, let’s do it later.

Bad: You don’t care about our relationship!

Good: When does the match end? Can we talk afterwards?

2. Ask why the person you’re talking to is avoiding the conversation

Ask or speculate. Perhaps he is not comfortable discussing certain topics because of his upbringing (e.g., sex) or because of past negative experiences. It is important to maintain a safe atmosphere: do not push, do not accuse, do not criticize.

– Oleg, I noticed that you are uncomfortable discussing cleaning. Maybe you think that I will criticize you, but I just want to calmly discuss the problem and find a joint solution.

3 Explain that it is important to discuss the problem now

Otherwise in the future the negative emotions will accumulate like a snowball.

– Oleg, lately we often quarrel about cleaning. The longer there is a problem, the more the quality of our relationship suffers: accumulated irritation and mutual resentment. Let’s talk.

Repeatedly walking away from a dialogue without a good reason can demonstrate the indifference of the person you’re talking to to your needs. Consider whether you are willing to continue a relationship in which the other party is not interested.

When the agreement is not working

You and the person you are talking to are not able to find a common solution: each insists on his point of view. When all the reasonable arguments are used up, resentments, insults, claims begin to fly, the dialogue turns into a scandal.

1. Set Rules.

They will help not to go beyond a constructive conversation. For example, use only I-speak: instead of recriminations and accusations, talk about your own thoughts and emotions that arose in response to the situation.

Bad: Oleg, you’re lazy. Instead of helping me clean, you spend hours watching TV. You treat me like a free servant.

Okay: Oleg, I think it is unfair the way household chores are distributed. It saddens me that I do a lot of things alone: cooking, washing dishes, cleaning the apartment on weekends. This leaves me with little time for rest and my favorite activities. I want to redistribute duties.

2. Invite a moderator.

An impartial third person will help steer the dialogue in a peaceful direction and find a joint solution. The moderator can be a family psychologist, a colleague from a nearby department or a mutual friend – the main thing is that the person should not be interested in the conflict.

When the opponent imposes his conditions

Sometimes the interlocutor tries to impose his point of view at any cost, even if it threatens to worsen or break up the relationship. He imposes conditions tolerate or leave, obey or wait for the consequences. Irina, I believe that the cleaning should be done by a woman, so as a matter of principle, I will not help. If you are not satisfied with this arrangement – live with my mother, Oleg, if you do not help me around the house, I’ll divorce you.

Coercion is the least favorable outcome of the conflict: the participant demonstrates lack of respect for your needs and intolerance of other people’s views.

Explain to the interlocutor, that such categorical language is inappropriate: together we can find a solution that suits everyone. If the person continues to insist on the outcome is only convenient for him – think whether you need unequal relationships, where you constantly have to endure and give in.

Memo of the participant of the conflict

Answer the questions so you can be better prepared for dialogue:

– What do I want to get for myself?

– What do I want to get for my opponent?

– What do I want to get for our relationship?

2. Watch for signals to recognize the moment of loss of security: physical reactions, emotions, behavior.

3. Restore safety:

– apologize;

– explain;

– seek common purpose.

4. Control your emotions. Ask yourself questions that will help you look at the situation differently:

– Am I trying to overlook my role in creating this problem?

– Why would a reasonable, decent, and rational person do this?

– What can I do to move forward to achieve what I want?

5. Speak respectfully:

– Share the facts;

– speak coherently about your view of the situation;

– avoid being categorical.

6. Listen thoughtfully:

– be interested in the interlocutor’s opinion;

– Point out inconsistencies between words and emotions;

– Make assumptions about your opponent’s thoughts and feelings;

– Agree openly.

7. Think through a plan:

– describe specific steps;

– agree on a timeline;

– assign responsibility.

Happiness in a relationship doesn’t depend on luck and chance. It’s a daily job. If you don’t do these things, you can keep your relationship strong for a long time.

1. Complaining about your partner to friends and family

It’s not only unhealthy, it’s completely useless to take it out on your partner. Tomorrow you will make up and change your mind, and the impression of your companion or companion will be permanently spoiled. Instead of complaining to your friends, talk to each other, ask the disturbing questions. Friends are needed for the soul, joy and relaxation. As for loved ones, they will be on your side anyway.

2. Compare yourself to other couples.

Love each other for who you are. Comparing yourself and your partner to others is unwise and unfair. It is even more unwise to express your thoughts and comparisons out loud. Nothing good will come of it. The grass will always seem greener on someone else’s lawn, even if in fact the lawn there has long since dried out.

The other extreme is to compare yourself to celebrity couples. Many celebrities only pretend to be happily married. For them, it’s business and nothing personal. Live your life and don’t compare yourself to your neighbors on the landing or to Instagram stars.

3. Playing the Victim.

Adults enter into relationships and take a certain position in a couple consciously. If no one forcibly pulled you into the registry office or forced you to date him, don’t play the victim and don’t blame your partner for the problems. Look for solutions and wrestle with difficulties instead of blaming your partner for the situation.

4. Being Too Serious.

A happy family life is not a test of strength or a matter of life and death. Loving people can laugh at each other and accept with a smile the difficulties that life sometimes throws up. After all, they have each other, which means there is strength to cope with any trouble.

5. Criticism

There is good and bad in everyone. Happy couples know that criticism destroys relationships and kills love. If you don’t like something, speak delicately about your feelings and explain what exactly and why you don’t like it.

6. Ignore the subject of money.

The issue of money can break up the strongest relationship. Happy couples are open about financial matters, they understand their needs, see their goals and discuss the future together. There should be no shyness about money topics. It’s your money and your future. It is in your best interest to make it secure.

7. Lack of Communication

Happy couples know that communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. You don’t need a magic orb or the ability to read minds to be happy. It’s enough to talk openly and without riddles about your feelings, worries, anxieties and hopes. Yes, if you lack attention or affection in your relationship, just say so.

8. Overreacting on Issues

Sharing your emotions and worries is fine. But you shouldn’t dump all your negativity and stress on your partner. You will feel better, but your partner won’t, especially if he or she isn’t mentally prepared to deal with the release of emotion. Want to talk? Ask if this is the right time. If not, look for other forms of self-expression and removal of negativity, such as writing letters.

9. Clinging to roles.

On your first date, did you say you love to cook and you haven’t left the kitchen since because you’ve clung to the role of chef? Happy couples have a flexible mindset and don’t cling to specific roles. Whoever is free cooks dinner, and whoever goes to the store early comes home from work. And there are no hard feelings, irritation, or negativity. It is a worldly affair.

10. Pick on little things.

A happy relationship is first and foremost about moral support and participation. Life is already full of stress and negativity. If the other half of the problems, such as temporarily no work, do not nag, do not nag, and try to inspire love. Your faith motivates more than anything else.